06-04-2010, 06:08 PM
This is a new series of chapters that I'm producing. The premise is the usual from me, some sort of romance. But this time, it's in the middle of a hostage situation. The action takes place at different times during the besiegement, and follows the story of two teenagers who've locked themselves into a room to escape death or maiming.
Comments and critiques are always welcome, but especially on the idea behind the story, and the more poetic element to the prose I've written here. To be honest though, I'm not sure why I'm posting it because I seem to be the only one who gets constantly ignored when I post stuff.
Unum
It had been around midnight when the gunmen struck, brandishing their weapons and firing at the workers on the oil platform: one could see the blood splattered on the windows and smell its grim odour haunting the freezing Atlantic air. We had only been on here to visit our fathers, and now we were caught up in a hostage situation, with countless people dead and many more injured, not being treated. From the window where we had locked ourselves in, unnoticed, you could see a marksman dressed entirely in black, looking off of one of the balconies of the platform and into the endless dark mass that was the ocean.
Fortunately, I was in your company – and there was nobody else who I'd rather be with in this situation. It was a fact that for months now, I had been seeking for a moment to be alone, to share in each others' conversation without the juvenile chatter of our peers. Whenever I saw you, I had a fluttering feeling in my chest and the sensation of my stomach feeling as if it had a hole in it. I can only suppose that this was what everybody calls 'love', and it was only then, in that room on a besieged oil platform that I realised this.
Silence pervaded the small room as darkness spread its cruel shadow across the few furnishings inside. I could just see the glint of your eyes in the pale moonlight, looking straight forwards. As I moved my head slightly, the light caught your cheek, and the tears that had been flowing down it.
"Don't cry," I whispered, my own voice cracking up from underuse. "As long as we stay hidden, somebody will rescue us. They have to."
"But what if they don't?" you replied, your voice choked with sadness. You turned your head to look at me dead in the eyes. "What if they don't?"
Comments and critiques are always welcome, but especially on the idea behind the story, and the more poetic element to the prose I've written here. To be honest though, I'm not sure why I'm posting it because I seem to be the only one who gets constantly ignored when I post stuff.
Unum
It had been around midnight when the gunmen struck, brandishing their weapons and firing at the workers on the oil platform: one could see the blood splattered on the windows and smell its grim odour haunting the freezing Atlantic air. We had only been on here to visit our fathers, and now we were caught up in a hostage situation, with countless people dead and many more injured, not being treated. From the window where we had locked ourselves in, unnoticed, you could see a marksman dressed entirely in black, looking off of one of the balconies of the platform and into the endless dark mass that was the ocean.
Fortunately, I was in your company – and there was nobody else who I'd rather be with in this situation. It was a fact that for months now, I had been seeking for a moment to be alone, to share in each others' conversation without the juvenile chatter of our peers. Whenever I saw you, I had a fluttering feeling in my chest and the sensation of my stomach feeling as if it had a hole in it. I can only suppose that this was what everybody calls 'love', and it was only then, in that room on a besieged oil platform that I realised this.
Silence pervaded the small room as darkness spread its cruel shadow across the few furnishings inside. I could just see the glint of your eyes in the pale moonlight, looking straight forwards. As I moved my head slightly, the light caught your cheek, and the tears that had been flowing down it.
"Don't cry," I whispered, my own voice cracking up from underuse. "As long as we stay hidden, somebody will rescue us. They have to."
"But what if they don't?" you replied, your voice choked with sadness. You turned your head to look at me dead in the eyes. "What if they don't?"