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Hmm.. this "80-D" character sounds like a petulant, stuck-up, idiotic jerk. I hate him already. But, anyway, wonderful chapter, TFO, and I'd like to see more of this story. One more thing, the evolution of buneary is Lopunny, there is no b.
(15-06-2010 05:52 PM)Argorok Twilit Dragon Wrote: [ -> ]Hmm.. this "80-D" character sounds like a petulant, stuck-up, idiotic jerk. I hate him already. But, anyway, wonderful chapter, TFO, and I'd like to see more of this story. One more thing, the evolution of buneary is Lopunny, there is no b.

.....
I KNEW THAT!
*fixes the chapter*
I just lost The Game.

Also, am I the Lopunny?
(16-06-2010 01:29 AM)Jose Antonio Nyumi Wrote: [ -> ]Also, am I the Lopunny?

If you're the Lopunny, then Fallen has some explaining to do(he knows what I mean).

Can't wait for chapter 7...
Here is the amazing chapter 6. I made Charquil write this one because I was busy. I will post two versions: Charquil's and the edited one. I will make my own chapter 6, but it is going to be an edited one. I did a couple editing on his version, but it was pretty good.

Chapter 6-The Battle of Destiny part 1

Charquil's Version
Spoiler:
Doom's claws clash with Sara's swords and they knock each other back. "You should just give up now while you have the chance" Sara scoffs, "it might save you from a beating."
"I don't plan on losing to anyone!" Doom replies. He leaps into the shadows of the alley and vanishes from Sara's sight. "You can't win, girly, not while I'm in my environment."
"Hiding are we? This might be fun after all."
Suddenly, a jet of fire bursts from the dark and races towards Sara. She jumps aside to avoid it, but Doom comes out right after and bites onto her arm.
"Ow!" She screams trying to get Doom off, "let go of me!"
"Forry miff, I on't le o"
"Oh yes you will!" She yells, swiping her left-hand blade at Doom. Doom let's go and jumps back into the shadows. "You can't hide forever!" She calls out after him.
"I don't plan to!" He replies, walking out behind her. Suddenly, there were 2 Dooms standing there, then three, then four, until there was a Doom in all directions.
"Drat! Double team! Oh well, I'll just have to give you a taste of my dancing skills!" She then begins to spin rapidly, swords pointing out. Then, like a top, she started ripping through the doppelgangers one by one.
"That won't help you!" One Doom steps forward with a glowing claw and the others vanish. Sara spins his way. Doom strikes at her feet, knocking her over. He jumps on her and puts his claw to her throat. "Give up?"

Magma is panting heavily. “He’s just too good” he thinks to himself, “and who in they’re right mind uses bricks as a weapon?”
“You ready for round two,” Jason calls out in a scoffing tone.
“I’m ready!” Magma’s fist triples in size and he swings it at Jason. Before it got anywhere near him, Jason was gone. He reappeared, hit Magma in the head with a brick and was gone in an instant. “There has to be a way to keep up with him!”
“You don’t have a prayer fighting me.” Jason was behind him with his leaf blades ready. “You should just give up while you can.” He charges at Magma at a ridiculous speed. Magma tries to get out of the way, but is too slow. Jason’s blades hit him and knock him into the wall.
“Ugh, there’s just no way to… wait! That might work!” Magma lands on the ground and shrinks his hands back to normal size. He sits down and closes his eyes.
“You giving up?” Jason asks a little confused.
“Not quite” Magma’s eyes suddenly open. An aura of fire appears around him. The fire explodes and fills the whole room, burning everything in sight. “Phew, blast burn takes a lot out of me. I better get up there and help Blaze.” He runs ahead towards the stairs.

“I said, “Do you give up”?” Doom says again.
"Hardly." She replies. Doom notices her feet are scrunched up as if she was about t- "Yyyyyaw!" She yells as she pushes as hard as she can, launching Doom into the air. She stands up and jumps after him. She then kicks him to the ground with full force and just after he lands, she lands on top of him with a powerful kick. Doom slowly got up and gasped for breath. He slipped back into the shadows before Sara could strike again. “You’ll never get anywhere if you keep hiding.”
“I’m going to kill you for that!” He replies from the darkness. A jet of fire bursts from the shadows, but Sara dodges it. A purple light begins to glow in the darkness and jumps around. Sara follows it with her gaze.
“I can see yo- OOF!” a glowing claw was in her back. “but, how?”
“What you were looking at was will-o-wisp, I never moved.”
“I look forward to seeing you again, pup” she says, as she disappears.
“That was rather difficult, I need to train more. Now, back to saving soul!” Doom rushes inside.

“Where do you think you’re going?”
Magma turns to find the speaker. “Who’s there?”
Doom steps forward, “It’s me, don’t worry. Where are the others?”
“They went ahead. I stayed behind and fought a Grovyle.”
“I’m guessing you won. Let’s hurry up.”
“Nobody won anything, we’re just getting started.” Jason came in from the window and landed in front of them. “Now, where were we?”
Magma just stands there, staring. “But how?” he manages to stutter out.
“It doesn’t matter, let’s fight!”
“We’ll take him together,” Doom says, “that guy is going down!”
Doom and Magma rush at Jason, claw glowing and hands grown respectively. Jason jumps over magma’s punch, deflects Doom’s claws and lands behind them. His leaf blades glow and he hits them both in the back.
“Ugh, he’s good.” Doom says as he struggles to his feet.
“We just need to keep him busy, while the others take on what’s ahead.”
“Ok, let’s do this.”
“Bring it on.” Jason smirks.

Jason walked into the room and collapsed on a seat, “I’m rather tired.” He says to the Aerodactyl, “you guys can take them.”
“What happened to Magma!” Blaze demands.
Jason grins, “Let’s just say they weren’t up to it”.

That was Charquil's version
I will have my version up as soon as possible a.k.a. This weekend
I'm not a very good writer... I hope I did a good job. My main concern is whether or not I did a good job portraying Kudamon. I hope you guys like it.
You did pretty good for portraying Kudamon.

I will post up my version after. *MORE EPIC*
Considering that up to that point in the fic Fallen wasn't doing that good a job(no offense intended), yeah, you did pretty well. :P Great chapter.
This was a great chapter, I loved all the fighting strategies and such. Nintendo should take that into consideration...

I'm beginning to hate that Aerodactyl more and more, though.

But, really, this capter was fierce and full of action. I loved it.
(19-06-2010 05:14 PM)Kudamon Wrote: [ -> ]Considering that up to that point in the fic Fallen wasn't doing that good a job(no offense intended), yeah, you did pretty well. :P Great chapter.

I wasn't? Was it because the sister thing cuz i said i was going to stop that
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